Now I don't think I'll shock anyone when I mention the rampant cannibalism, child sacrifice, witch burnings and tomfoolery that is present in this establishment, but did you know that you aren't getting your bang for your buck? That's right, for every slice of pizza you acquire, the owner takes two bites out of your food, and oh boy, don't get me started on the beverages! One of my detectives espied him taste testing every drink before it was served to whatever hapless lout posted and order. Verily, it is a shameful business practice and I hope the Faroese Islands implements taste testing laws.
Date of visit:
July 2024
26 Aug 2024
The owner dressed up as a crocodile and attempted to eat me. Not only that but he hurled curry at me!
Date of visit:
August 2024
26 Aug 2024
Overheard the Indian owners in the kitchen yelling about how they were in contact with the bloody president of India or whatever and how he's planning to begin a naval invasion on Australian soil. I'll be bringing this to the parliament, head of the Labor party Thomas Sewell, as well as Michael Joshua Nelson, the acting Prime Minister of Australia. India and Australia are officially at war. We got boys coming around next week with an arsenal of Emu's and we're not afraid to use them. I suggest you shut this place down in the meantime if you don't want to mess with the pack. I have provided a photo of myself, just to show you who exactly you're up against.
Date of visit:
August 2024
26 Aug 2024
Can you hoodlums at Cafe Zorva just stop burning white women alive already! It's literally 2024, not 1480, yet you guys put any woman who complains about her order on trial and literally sentence her to burning at the stake if you arbitrarily ascertain that her criticism was unwarranted. It's absolute poppycock, stop the burnings! Beautiful female temptstresses of lust and hedonism incarnate are people too, and do not deserve to suffer the indigence of being set aflame on the funeral pyre!
Date of visit:
August 2024
26 Aug 2024
My wife and I were gleamed upon by an army of Indian servants waving palm frons and embalming us British folk with wealth such as herbs and smells derived from the mountains of the Himalayas. Don't be decieved however O' white man, for they may embellish your pride, by lavishing your carnal sensations, but they plot behind their backs with daggers and blood lust. When we traversed the corridor of prostrating Indians we were lured with a false sense of security, but just as a sheep is to the slaughter, we were to the milking room. Upon entering the room, the entire demeaner of the men behind morphed. They rose with haste, and revealed their hidden blades as they coasted their dark feet towards us. The caroled us into the midst of the room, to where we were wholly encapsulated within their Moorish hands. It's a little known fact, but all Indians are indeed Muslims. In fact, the nation of India is in actuality an extension of Pakistan and Bangladesh. The Indian elites don't want us Westerners to know this fact in order to the maintain positive relations with the very same countries to whom their peoples have came, destroyed, and invaded with. They wuz kings, YO. That is exactly what they breathed into our supple ears as they sliced into our angelic flesh pagan and Hindu symbols (what's the difference) as an act of appropriation of our vessels from Christ. Suddenly, a tumultuous roar thundered the cavernous room, shaking the demonic mass to their knees en mass. There in the middle, we were left standing, with each an angel to our hands, raising us up from the hellish forces and into the loving grace of our Lord. This is how we were able to continue to tell our harrowing tale. For any intrepid adventurer or misconstrued fetus , don't allow your impulse to guide you into oblivion. For the Indians surely do not have every hair upon your hair numbered. You will perish, wherein your corpse would be devoured upon as jackals were to a baby lioness. RUN!
